Someone once said, "Outside of your comfort zone is where the magic happens".
I put myself very firmly outside of my comfort zone a few months ago and haven't gotten any closer since. I envisioned a powerful version of me, usurping my internal demons and dealing with life's stresses admirably. For the very first time, I booked myself onto a five day coached kayaking course without having met the coach before, with the knowledge that no one I know would accompany me in a brand new environment. On top of that, I'd be driving myself, setting up camp on my own and generally being on my own. In a nutshell, it was TOUGH.
It may not sound like much, but it was a lot of new stuff rolled into one trip. Despite the anxiety, I had no issues with the drive and my tent was up in less than 5 minutes. A G&T helped me relax and I finally started to feel a sense of adventure. I stayed at Anglesey Outdoors, a brilliant campsite designed for those who enjoy watersports. I was treated to a massive dry room, facilities to wash the salty sea water off my gear and a kayaking themed pub, Paddlers Return.
Mid June in North Wales was (un)surprisingly chilly. I had carried my down filled sleeping bag, woollen socks and hat to stay warm at night but somehow still woke up at 1am with freezing cold feet (literally!). I was armed with my hot water bottle on this trip so about 20 minutes later, the hot water bottle helped defrost my poor feet. Crisis averted.
I was so pleased with myself.
I was meant to meet my fellow paddlers and coach at 9am the next day. So I planned to wake up at 7am, have breakfast, organise my kit and lunch for the day. The others did not plan their day this diligently as I met them at 9am, ordering breakfast and organising their lunch. "No problem at all" I said to them and meant it, but I could've done with an extra hour in bed. I had hot breakfast at 9am on a few days but they ended up being terrible days on the water so I won't be doing that again.
It was just shy of 13C and the water still chilly but it felt like summer.
We drove to Rhoscolyn and launched our kayaks at Borth Wen.
Playing around rocks and caves during the day, time passed us by effortlessly. I was consciously learning so much about rockhopping, something I only learned to enjoy last year. We explored many caves and soaked in the stunning scenery with our hungry eyes.
I hadn't paid much attention to the tide times that day but kayaking after lunch felt different. The wind had picked up, there was a lot more water to play with and everything seemed less effortless. I felt myself edging to the tip of my comfort zone while we journeyed back to our starting point. Close to Rhoscolyn beacon, we found some mini tide races where we could play. **Disclaimer: This is what I wanted to learn (and I did) BUT I was scared**.
I did a lot of breaking in and out of the race, experimenting with various angles and techniques. But paddling this hard took it out of me and I got very tired after about an hour. Tired kayakers sometimes do stupid things so I landed on a bit of rock and tried to use my hands on barnacles to free my boat. My thumb looked like a Martin Scorcese film and I missed a beautiful seal swimming just next to me. It was definitely time to get off the water.
Days 2 and 3 were not as pretty. Strong winds from the north meant the temperature dipped further, there was a lot of rain and we didn't have many options for kayaking. We spent two days at the Menai Straits in Anglesey, breaking in and out of moving water. I enjoyed myself until I capsized and lost my nerve a bit. Yes, capsizing is not big deal and yes, I did get back into my boat within 2 minutes. I was very much out of my comfort zone. Needless to say, it wasn't just the kayaking that challenged me, but driving to a new place with no parking spaces stressed me out. I drove through tiny residential roads looking for a space, reversing in tight corners and losing minutes of my life wondering if I'll ever find a spot.
I learnt a lot in those two days of horrendous weather but I can't say that I enjoyed them as much as I enjoy being out at sea. It must be some sort of mental block, because I didn't want to do any breaking in and out of moving water or ferrygliding in that environment. Take me out to open sea and I'll happily oblige! My fellow paddlers were a bit more than disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm but I was in no mood to appease.
The evenings were rough too; as the wind made my tent feel like a weak branch, ready to snap. The rain was also relentless for two days so cooking any proper meals was out of the question. I headed to the famous Paddlers Return and enjoyed the generous portions with a much needed glass of wine. I met some fellow paddlers from Inverness and after a few hours of chatting, my spirits began to lift again.
The remainder of the week was beautiful as the wind dropped and allowed us to explore the coastline. We saw some gorgeous caves near Porth Dafarch on one day that started off grey and windy, transitioning to a beautiful sunny afternoon. I managed to play in a mini tide race and even surf some waves.
The best day was typically, the last day and the suggestion was to run through all three of the major tide races on the west coast on Anglesey. I didn't feel comfortable fighting against strong tidal flow all day so I politely declined this generous offer. Fellow paddlers were visibly disappointed which contributed to the compounding guilt I felt all week. Instead we paddled from Bull Bay to the old brickworks factory on the north coast. The actual wind speeds were a lot higher than the prediction so I was pleased we chose the "easy" option.
Am I just not good enough to paddle here? Feelings of self doubt plagued me all day as I heard stories of other kayakers who followed their dreams and trained hard to become "really good". "Go kayaking everyday, every weekend and just keep doing it till you get good".
"If you don't get stronger, you'll never progress in any environment".
Its tough to shake it off completely, but I'm still trying to remind myself that I'm not utterly incompetent. I enjoyed kayaking in Anglesey but I'll just have to find more like minded company next time.
Some tips if you'd like to paddle in Anglesey:
1) Take all your gear and leave nothing at home. It will rain, the weather will change everyday so you may need a dry suit on one day and just neoprene tights+cag on another.
2) Stay at Anglesey Outdoors because they have a dry room and having dry clothes helps.
3) Take an OS map of Anglesey because phone signal can be patchy. Also, Google maps insists you drive through single track roads. This isn't Scotland, there are no passing places.
4) Invest in wind protection for your cooking equipment. It gets very windy!
5) Take a camera. The scenery is stunning, even in the rain.
6) Don't go alone. Kayaking with people you know and trust is infinitely more enjoyable.